May 2013
1 post
6 tags
Cancer Project *masterpost*
imsarahcate:
The *completed* project. I may still add to it eventually- but this is what I’ll be sending to print for a photo book soon.
April 2013
4 posts
5 tags
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October 2012
21 posts
Help Us Help You
imjustsarahcate:
Several weeks ago now, I put out a call. I asked for stories, for need. I asked you to send me names and links and people who need HELP. To combat all of those ridiculous guilt posts that claim “97% of people won’t reblog this, be in the 3% who stand up to cancer.”
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I wanted to create a single post that brought people who have REAL need into one space and send it viral. ...
4 tags
Swing and a Miss!
wire-hangers-never-again:
prochoicetruth:
brainbytumblr:
Wow, almost 50 notes on that BC post. Impressive. But all the haters are missing the point. Do women have medical issues with their lady-parts? Sure. Should they be able to get help with those issues? Absolutely.
But that’s what doctors and legit medicine are for.
I’ll say it again: Women, birth control is not medicine, at...
7 tags
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2012-09-13 02:58
That moment when you suddenly remember you’re waiting on a decision for a supplemental insurance claim and check their website…. and now you can’t sleep because you’re so pissed that it was declined that you may have to wait up until their phone lines open to give someone a piece of your mind.
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There is absolutely, positively, ZERO reason for my disability claim to be...
2012-09-13 13:18
Callback from my Oncologist NP confirmed that the pain I’ve been having is normal and typical. Monday/Tuesday were the days when my bone marrow was at it’s most vulnerable and that can apparently lead to pain and related issues in my bones and joints. She’s refilling my pain pill meds and said to let them know if it doesn’t continue to improve.
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I haven’t called the...
I am going to be adding some posts here that I put on my main blog. There’s an article being written about me, and about the Cancer stuff etc… and I’m a little leary of giving out my main blog just because… it’s such a private space for me personally (because no one I know personally actually see is.
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So Cancer related posts are going to get put here so pardon the...
2012-10-18 03:50
3am and it’s clockwork, my body screaming.
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Tonight, my head too, an additional thrum to the screeching of my shins, my ankles…. the occasional twinge in my forearms.
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2 days without pain and now at 3am I sob. My body refuses to be comfortable. Too hot, too cold, too much pain.
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Intense enough to make me nauseated. An unease that radiates into the spaces that...
2012-10-15 15:06
Got a message back from my RN and they’re going to prescribe Gabapentin to help with the nerve pain and refill my hydrocodone. So hopefully tonight and on the next cycle the pain will be a lot more manageable.
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I have not looked up the Gabapentin but to be honest, I really don’t care about anything else as long as it handles the pain better than the norco alone.
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...
2012-10-15 03:11
I don’t understand the pain issues. I just don’t. I was like 95% pain free all damn day. I didn’t overdo it, I didn’t push my limits. I was grateful. But why now, at 3am, out of fucking nowhere…. Is it suddenly so bad again that I honestly want to cut my feet off at the ankle? . The pain this cycle has been so much worse and so unpredictable. And my feet BTW are...
2012-10-13 19:56
I’m home.
Well… the craft fair wasn’t as busy as I was hoping.
I did sell 5 adult necklaces and 5 kids ones. I made about $160 all told. I was really hoping for a lot more. BUT for a first fair at an elementary school- it could have been worse.
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I am in a lot of pain. I have been all day to be honest. A few steps below last night, but it’s creeping back up...
A Reminder
2012-10-11 15:13
A reminder
When you’re sitting at home signing checks with your pink ribbon pen in a checkbook with pink ribbons on it and sipping your coffee from a pink coffee mug.
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Take a minute to realize that products that cost companies PENNIES to make, are being done up in pink and sold for RIDICULOUS markups. And we buy them, because the package inevitably reads, “a portion...
2012-10-10 20:55
omg. everything hurts. everything hurts everything hurts.
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fucking hell. I just took my pain pills, and a swig of nyquil. I can’t even handle being awake for this much fucking pain. ohmygod.
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I guess I shouldnt have tried to do the movie today. goddammit.
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omg everything hurts. down to my fucking teeth. fuck.
2012-10-09 01:50
By the way, on the list of things they don’t tell you about chemo?
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When your hair starts falling out- it hurts. Even though I shaved my head like… 3 or 4 weeks ago, there w
There still patches where my hair hadn’t fallen out yet. I can tell those patches are starting to come out because I’ve just realized that part of my discomfort right now- is my scalp just… in...
3 tags
I am not your Hero.
2012-10-08 06:55
I am not a hero because I’m fighting Cancer.
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I’m not worthy of someone’s pedestal because I am choosing to fight for my life.
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I am not more beautiful, more courageous, more strong, or more worthwhile because I am fighting to be Cancer Free.
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And I am tired of being told that I am.
*This got long. And very very honest. And sometimes, graphic. So read at your...
2012-10-04 20:29
Wait time at Simmons was redonkulous today. Got there on time for once (which is good, cause next time I have to be there at 7:55am ew), and got my own room for port access which went well.
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Still a little under the weather, but since I’ve been fever free since Sunday, most of my coughing is gone and congestion is only minimal. So, I got the all clear for treatment...
Naked
2012-10-03 04:42
I haven’t been out of the house since last Thursday. I’d say I’m getting cabin fever except… I’m kind of “content” to just hide in my bed for awhile.
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I took a shower. A 4:30 in the morning. I needed to be clean. Confession? I haven’t showered since last Thursday either. Why bother? It’s not like I’m going anywhere. Who cares. I don’t do anything, or work up a...
2012-10-02 17:33
I am so freaking stressed out.
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I’m still sick. So I have no idea what to expect on Thursday. I can’t imagine her delaying my next treatment ANOTHER week, but still… .
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Plus, guess what, cell phone and car insurance bills are due, but I don’t have it. So, I’ll have to either call tomorrow (I just got up, don’t ask) and see if I can get them both to give me...
September 2012
28 posts
2012-09-29 03:43
I am struggling emotionally right now.
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And I know part of it is just… being stuck at home, sick, frustrated by the stall in treatment. And part of it is growing anxiety about doing the article. And part of it is just… exhaustion.
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I’ve managed for a long long time to avoid feeling sick. My weight has helped. Because I started out bigger, the weight loss from...
2012-09-27 10:27
No chemo today. I should probably be relieved, but I keep crying. Postponed till next week and I’m on strict orders of sleep, soup, and fluids until then. . Just… Another week. I don’t want ANOTHER week between me and being done. . I was already super emotional because I’m tired and sick and bald and having to wear a mask and I just feel completely overwhelmed. . ...
2012-09-27 01:25
Ok, confession:
I am really nervous about tomorrow’s (ok, today’s) chemo. I’ve had a cold most of the week with a low-grade fever off and on. It’s the first time I’ve been sick since… well since long before I was diagnosed, and I have no idea what the implications are for treatment tomorrow. :shrug:
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I know she said they have precautions to take to avoid the...
2012-09-27 00:01
Ok… tomorrow is chemo 2 of 4. Hopefully this is my final round (all signs point to yes) so that means I will officially be over the halfway point for this (more aggressive) round.
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It also means my interneting will probably be limited to checking messages, checking my tag. I may be ok Friday/Saturday… but if last cycle is anything to judge by, from Sunday on I’ll...
2012-09-26 20:11
Tell you what restaurant patrons, you want to stare at the white bitch wearing a scarf on her head? I’ll give you something to fucking stare at. Here’s my bald chemo head. Fuck you.
2012-09-26 14:41
God bless soup.
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just had some cream of chicken with herbs, added some shredded cheese and ritz crackers and am finally NOT coughing for a minute. Halleluia.
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Really hoping this doesn’t interfere with treatment tomorrow. I mean, it wouldn’t would it? It’s just a cold I think, or bad allergies. I don’t have a fever. :shrug:
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I’m just super-congested and...
2012-09-23 20:32
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My Heart is just…. bursting.
It is so bizarre to see my face on blogs that I have stalked/admired/been in awe of from a distance for so long.
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RedefiningBodImage, UnapologeticFatty, FuckYeahHardFemme, SHYB (although in fairness I have posted there before)… I just… gesus.
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And the messages. You guys.
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I just made a post. After 2 days of posting my...
2012-09-23 02:54
So my head hurts, my throat’s been progressively scratchier all day and I’m currently sitting at 99.5*. . I’m thinking I may be running late on the mask-wearing front. . If I get to 101 I have to call my oncologist. I really hope whatever this is…. My body is still strong enough to kill it. . File this under things cancer has made me afriad of.
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For Now
I’ve been posting a lot of my cancer feels on my main blog this week. Part laziness and part just finally settling in to the idea that I can’t just.. separate my Cancer from my life.
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I think that even though the whole point of this was to keep my cancer-related whining away from MOST of the rest of the people I interact with- the real reason I separated it out was because I could...
2012-09-19 18:07
Hat and scarf buying happened just in time. There’s no way I can pass anymore. There’s this… stack of hair on my bedside table. It just keeps kind of… coming out. Not falling out on it’s own still… but if I … rub my head on my pillow, or run my hands over my head. It’s there.
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I look a bit of a fright.
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T minus 1.75 days until head shaving.
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At least now I...
2012-09-19 12:48
Time to go buy hats.
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All I have to do is leave the house. Leave the house and pretend that I don’t care that I have bald spots. And that my hair is still falling out. And that I am not feeling completely overwhelmed by my life right now.
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That’s all I have to do.
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It’ll be better once I have something for my head right? Because then I can go do the rest of...
2012-09-19 04:07
I kind of can’t deal with the hair thing.
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I’m going hat shopping tomorrow. If I can stand to leave the house. It’s not exactly coming out in clumps… but… I do have my first little bald… patch.
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Head shaving is scheduled for Friday. Thank god my stylist is also a dear friend. Instead of having me go to the salon (recognizing that I’m feeling a little bit, um,...
4 tags
2012-09-18 06:35
I keep batting around the idea of shaving my head. For real this time, and on my own. Part of me is curious to see when exactly it will start really and truly coming out in clumps, as they say it will.
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And part of me sees it already breaking off, cracking almost in half. I realized last night that my hair— is shorter. Not because its been cut, but because it is...
I think I’ve just realized how incredibly angry I still am. About all of this. About Cancer. About Chemo. About surgery, and pain, and nausea, and being useless and feeling worthless, and just… all of it.
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One of the dogs was barking. Because that’s what she does, she fucking barks. At nothing. For no reason. It might rain- she hates rain. So she barks.
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But as...
2012-09-15 10:11
It’s been a pretty unpleasant week really. Between pain and exhuastion and frustration, and wicked weird dreams thanks to the pain pills- I’m just about ready to flip out.
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This is Pride weekend in Dallas. And I really thought this would be the year I’d finally get to go. Last year, I went but never was able to find a parking place… and because it was...
2012-09-12 03:12
I’m in too much pain to bead. But I’m too hopped up from being in bed for like 2 days to lay back down and try to sleep either.
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It’s too early to take another pain pill (those are going really fast by the way… erm…)
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I don’t know what to do with my time right now.
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And dammit if my left pointer finger isn’t decidedly numb. Am i really supposed to call up to...
Heard from my gran today who confirmed several of her friends who have done chemo… have had issues with the kind of severe body pains I’ve been dealing with. She said for her friends, it was a matter of a few days and then things settled back down.
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Had a couple of good hours today so I managed to get a little beading done. But now pain is back so I’m headed for a pain pill...
2012-09-11 13:58
Pain is a little better finally. Can’t remember what time I took the last pain pill, but it was long enough ago that I can say the pain is actually improving.
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Won’t be doing any jumping jacks anytime soon, but at least I’m not in pain to the point of tears anymore.
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Wonder if this is going to happen after each treatment?
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In other chemo news… have found quite...
2012-09-11 06:23
I honestly don’t know how to deal with how much pain I’m in right now. I took another pain pill but my knees and my shins are still just… excruciating.
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I finally looked up side effects and it turns out the Paciltaxen (sp) does cause 2-3 days of arm and leg joint pain. Which is swell to know except it doesn’t actually make it hurt any fucking less.
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Not that I didn’t...
Finally looked up side effects for this round of chemo:
“Side effects
Common side effects include nausea and vomiting, loss of appetite, change in taste, thinned or brittle hair, pain in the joints of the arms or legs lasting two to three days.”
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2-3 days of joint pain. Maybe that means after today it’ll be better. Right?
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fuck.
